East Versus West: The Happy Family, Part One

I love this scene, and it’s one that I see often. A few weeks ago, this grandfather and grandson enjoyed the sunny fall day. I watched them while I read. The very patient grandfather spent two hours in the park with his grandson, following the child from the bench to this railing to a tree and back to the bench. The boy would toddle away from his grandfather while the grandfather kept a watchful eye on him. Time did not matter.

The familial ties are one of many ideological differences between American and Chinese cultures. In Tongren, and in traditional Chinese belief, your family is the most important element in your life. Everyone takes care of each other. There are no daycares or nursing homes. Several generations share the same home. Babies hang out with their parents at work. Grandparents help bathe and feed their grandchildren. Children are raised knowing that they will provide for their parents as their parents age. Everyone is needed for the family to succeed. It is simply the way things are done, and it is not questioned.

People from China are appalled that Americans lets strangers take care of their babies. Why put children in daycare when the grandparents are available? They also cannot believe that children would disrespect their parents by putting them in a nursing home. Aren’t you supposed to take care of your parents just like they once took care of you?

On the flip side, children are raised to think first of their families, not themselves. Decisions are made with the whole family in mind. What’s best for everyone? Family bonds and responsibilities are very, very strong. To think of what’s best for yourself, as an individual, is an American ideal. Welcome to East versus West.